I actually started the 30-day squat challenge today too, so that should be fun!
Even though I’ve only been working out for a week (technically 4-5 days), I feel like I can kind of see some progress? Today it seemed like my legs and face looked slimmer. It’s probably just my mind, since that much progress in so little time would be strange, but I don’t mind the boost of self-confidence!
I’m definitely getting more comfortable in the gym, which is nice. Soon I’m going to try out using the weights, since I think lifting will be really good for me; better than cardio.
Had a really, really good workout today. Pushed myself without going too far, which is always great!
Usually I like doing my cooldown walk outside around the track, especially since we’ve had such nice evening weather lately, but I worked out a few hours earlier than I usually do, so the sports teams were using the track. I used a treadmill instead, which was… interesting I guess. I have the speed settings figured out, so I’d like to continue doing my walks on there.
I had to skip my workout yesterday because I had an awful migraine, but I’ve continued my plan today which makes me confident!
I haven’t started the squats challenge yet, I think I’ll wait til Monday so my body has time to get used to this sudden increase in physical activity.
Did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I meant to also do some squats, but I felt dehydrated and sick after walking back to my room so I just made myself some dinner instead.
Lately my eating has been strange… Last month I would only eat one meal a day fairly often, so my stomach has shrunk. Today I’ve eaten lunch and dinner—both were fairly large, so they completely filled me up. I’m completely unsure of how I should be feeding myself at this point…
I decided to cut back on soda, since I was drinking a lot of it. I’m going to stick to water instead. My dad also gave me some of that Mio Energy stuff, so I can add that to my water instead of getting a soda to wake myself up.
This weekend I’m hoping to pick up a measuring tape so I can start taking my measurements, since I lost mine a few months ago and have no idea what my measurements are anymore.
On day 2 of my work out I ran out of one of my asthma prescriptions and realized I had left the refill at home 5 hours away. I had to stop working out until my mom sent it to me, which was really frustrating. I only just got the refill today, so starting tomorrow I’m going back to working out again.
This means I have to start a new Day 1 for tomorrow, since i went almost a week without working out.
Things like this are really frustrating—last year I picked up running and was making great progress until I suddenly got sick and my asthma acted up and it turned out I had a lung infection which left me super weak to any sort of physical activity for three weeks. In those three weeks I lost all the progress I had made on my running which was incredibly frustrating.
I’ve had asthma ever since I was a baby and still haven’t outgrown it almost 20 years later :/ I wish there was a cure and I wasn’t dependent on pills and inhalers to keep me alive.
I went to the campus gym at around 6 pm, since it’s open til 9 on weekdays. I was really surprised to find it empty, cuz that means I now have a good time to go every day! I did the elliptical for 35 minutes, and it was really nice. I had a playlist of music from when I started working out in the spring, so I just listened to that the whole time.
Since coming back to school I’ve also been eating better, and less. I got a Market of Choice gift card for Christmas, so I’ve been getting their sandwiches.
I’m just really excited to be getting into shape! This will mark week 1 of exercising, so I took a picture:
Far from flattering, but it’s how I look now. Hopefully the pictures will show good progress!
I need to find my measuring tape because then I’ll start recording weekly measurements too. And I’ll see if I can find a cheap scale for sale so I can mark my weight, since I haven’t had a working scale in a really long time.
I have two costumes I really want to reward myself with by losing weight, those two being Saeko Busujima from High School of the Dead and the Weresheep from a Japanese monster girl book:
Both will be rewards for myself once I reach my weightloss goal. Which, by the way, I’m waiting to create til I know my measurements for sure, but I’m thinking something like a 31 inch waist. I was almost a 31 inch waist before I went to college and gained so much.
Anyways, I’m super pumped! I can’t wait to start making progress!
Sometimes I wonder why I was born with genetics to give me such bulky legs. Even when I exercise, I’ll be building up muscle in them. They’ll be curvy, hot legs, but why couldn’t I have been born with naturally slender legs like so many of my friends?
Last night my friend and I ended up going to a coffee shop at 2 am because we were bored and felt like doing something.
We talked about body image and exercise and all sorts of things like that, and I remembered how I lost so much weight before. I just told myself to work out on the elliptical machine my mom had for 30 a day every day. It wasn’t even difficult, and doing that made such a difference.
So I’ve decided that once I go back to school, that’s the plan. Go to the campus gym and work out for 30 minutes every day. Before, that’s literally all I did, and the weight started practically falling off.
That combined with some daily stretching and walking I think will definitely make a difference for me. I just wish I had the means to use an elliptical/treadmill/whatever at home, since my mom sold our elliptical when we moved.
Okay, I’m posting this here as a challenge to myself. To prove to myself that I need to get motivated.
Here’s a picture from August in 2011, just after I graduated high school:
At the time, I thought my body was so-so. I kind of manipulated the placement of my webcam and pose to look good, but it’s not too far off.
And then this is from June/July 2012, this past summer:
Okay technically it’s kind of a cute picture, but looking at it makes me really upset. You can tell I gained weight in the two places I liked, my waist and my thighs. Especially my thighs.
Like in 2011 I thought “well I’ve lost some weight but I still have pretty far to go”, but now I would kill to look like that again.
Also, something that a lot of people don’t seem to understand—I’m not fighting my body type. I’m super pear shaped, I have curvy hips and thighs. I like that. I think girls with curves are sexy. But I’d prefer to let my natural body type show through and not be covered by fat.
I’m not really sure what the point of this post was.
I just wanted to explain why I’m disappointed in myself.
I’ve been feeling really insecure about my weight.
I’ve been trying to do walks, but so far I’ve only gone on two. It gets dark so early now, like during any other season it’d be great to go on a walk at 5 pm, but in the winter it gets dark at like 4:30 and it’s just not safe. Plus it’s also been raining nonstop.
I have been good at drinking water, though. Sometimes I’ll even make it through 3 bottles a day, which really makes me full and not want to eat very much. I haven’t been eating a whole lot, but that’s mostly because I’m just bored of food.
For a lot of my life I have thoughts like “oh people would like me better if I was thinner”, “I’d be prettier if I was thinner” basically blame all my problems on my weight.
Today I had a thought, that maybe I should stop cosplaying until I’m happy with my weight. Since I just feel miserable looking at the pictures of myself and all I can focus on is my weight, it would be better for my mind (and my wallet) if I just took a break.
Now that I type this, it sounds better. Make a deal with myself, like “lose 2 inches on my waist and then I can cosplay again”. I think that would help.
Today I did a 2 mile walk. It wasn’t very far, but it did involve walking up a huge hill, so hopefully doing that often will help me get a great ass haha. Also it’s amazing, I did my walk like 4 hours ago and I’m super sleepy. I’ve been having some troubles sleeping occasionally, so I think even just this little bit of exercise will help.
I didn’t really eat anything much today, just some homemade banana bread. After my walk I had some noodles and then a banana with peanut butter. I’m also halfway through my second bottle of water today. I think I might be getting a cold, so I started using this “immunity” flavor packet for water bottles that’s pomegranate flavored.
I’m so tired, wow. I can really tell I’m out of shape when I go from being able to run two miles in a morning and feel great, and now walking two miles has made me exhausted. Hopefully this will get better over time.
I think I’l stretch a bit soon. I should’ve stretched right after walking, since my muscles were all loosened up from walking up and down all the hills, but it slipped my mind. I’ll do it that way tomorrow for sure.
Something that I’ve been focusing on is to not eat when I’m bored. Drinking water is helping a lot, and I think cutting down on unneeded eating will be good for me.
I’m home for winter break, which means I barely have to do anything except for some basic chores around the house. I’ve decided to really work hard this month, since I have both Newcon and ALA at the start of the new year.
Goals for the month: -Stop drinking soda -Drink at least 2 bottles of water a day -Cut out heavily processed food whenever possible -Dance at least 30 minutes a day (kpop dances or whatever sounds fun) -Stretch once a day -Go on long walks at least 4 times a week, more if possible
Good changes! The food thing especially, since I’m home and can take advantage of my mom’s love of health food and fully stocked kitchen. The only problem is that there’s always a full stock of soda too, but I’ll be okay as long as I have my crystal light flavor packets for when I want to drink something flavorful.
I got to see one of my good friends who has a really great body, and she told me she mostly walks a LOT and stretches, which are her two main forms of exercise. Because I’m limited on space and equipment, I think those two things sound perfect! I’ll put my best effort into them, too.
The main thing that’s been bugging me is I misplaced my measuring tape and don’t have access to a working scale, so it’s almost impossible for me to track my progress right now. Instead, I have to take pictures, which can be kind of hard for me to look at… But I think accepting my body is a big step of being healthy too, so sometime this week I’ll post a “week 1” picture of how I look right now.
I’m just really happy to be using this blog again, finally!
As some of you may have seen on Google+, I’ve started jogging in the mornings.
I jog Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. At first it was awful, my legs and my chest hurt like crazy, but now I can handle it well. I started on the 10th, a week ago from tomorrow. At first I started jogging with my friend, who did cross-country in high school and ran regularly with her parents at home, but because of her schedule I ended up doing it alone. I think I actually prefer to do it alone, mostly because I can listen to music.
I didn’t really expect to enjoy jogging. I played soccer as a kid and absolutely hated it, and since then I’ve avoided physical activity. A few years ago I started using the elliptical machine we had in our house as exercise, along with going on walks, and successfully started losing weight, but I don’t have an elliptical machine in my dorm room. But really, I love jogging. I think what I love most about it is the end, though, but not for the reason you might think.
I’ve had asthma most of my life; specifically exercise-induced asthma. I remember as a kid that when I ran too much, pushed myself too far, my own body would basically suffocate me. A long time ago on TV I saw an ad for research for childhood asthma, and they showed a goldfish flopping around in a shallow puddle. That’s exactly how asthma feels. Actually, because of that ad, I can’t bear to see fish flopping around on land because I know how they feel, and because of it I’ve cried while going fishing with my dad before… But that’s a story for another time haha.
As I’ve gotten older, my asthma has gotten better. Medicine is advancing, and I now take two prescriptions specifically for asthma; Singular and Advair. Both are amazing, and it’s kind of scary to think that if not for them, I’d probably not be alive. I also have an emergency inhaler, the kind that “nerdy kids” would have in 90’s and 00’s TV shows, which I use if I feel an asthma attack coming on. I also use it before exercising, because it’s technically a steroid and helps my lungs open up and prevent asthma attacks from happening.
In the mornings, I jog a mile. The school’s track is less than 2 minutes away from my dorm on foot, so I do four laps around it plus a cool down walking lap. For the first 3 laps I jog, but on the 4th one, I run. As I near the end of the lap, I always hear a voice in the back of my head telling me to stop, that I almost made it and that’s good enough. But I always push it back, and I push my body to keep going. After I ran that entire lap for the first time, I was completely out of breath. I could barely control my breathing, and couldn’t help but take in the biggest breath of my life. What hit me was that I didn’t feel any constriction in my lungs. I could breathe like a normal person after a run. That feeling is one of the best feelings I’ve had in my life, and I couldn’t help but smile. I can breathe! I can BREATHE!!
The final running lap of my jog is my favorite part of the morning, by far. It makes me feel human.
I’ve made a set of songs I listen to, so here’s that:
First lap: Try Unite! aka the OP of Rinne no Lagrange. This song is really hopeful and fun, I always imagine myself as Madoka as I run to it. Actually, this is really embarrassing, but when I run I always put my hair up like her’s with that silly front ponytail. Second and Third laps: This is a mix, it depends on what I feel like listening to. The choices are Try Unite! again, Kagerou Days, Vidro Moyou (the Ano Natsu de Matteru ED), Love Distance Long Affair, or whatever else comes to my mind. Fourth lap: Amai Elegy. Always. I have the urge to run whenever I hear this song. Basically the story is about a guy and a girl, but for whatever reason the girl must go and save the guy. I first heard the song because the Mawaru Penguindrum fandom was talking about how it could be used to describe the relationship of Shoma and Ringo after the last episode of the series, with Ringo going to save Shoma from his fate of disappearing. I somehow connect it to my own life too, but I don’t understand how. The music video shows the girl running, and the song gets suddenly dramatic, so running to this song is easy. I feel almost desperate when I run to it, and my eyes always water. This song has emotion that no other song I know can capture, for whatever reason.
So I’m enjoying my running, but…
It seems like every day I hate my body more and more. Despite this running, it feels like I’ve actually gained weight. That’s a bad phrase, since I don’t have a scale and thus don’t know my weight at all, but it feels like I’m getting fatter. My waist is back to 33 inches. At the beginning of the school year it was 32, tipping towards 31. I’m so disappointed in myself, yet it seems like no matter what I do I can’t fight it. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn’t be like so many of my friends and be born with a naturally fast metabolism, or at least have a height to fit my body type. If I was, say, 5’6, with my measurements I would look awesome. But at 5’2, I just look dowdy.
The other day one of my friends told me that in three months I’ll look awesome if I keep up the running. But really, I doubt it. I guess it’s only been a week, so I can’t judge myself too harshly, but I just want a transformation. I want to come back from college with an amazing body, I want to stun everybody. I’ve considered dropping my cosplays after Sakuracon and instead dedicating myself to getting in shape in order to fly in out of nowhere with a rocking body doing some sort of cosplay that shows off all my hard work and makes people stop thinking of me as the one fat girl in all the groups I do.
Honestly, I’ll keep running. It feels so good after the running lap, almost crying from desperation and breathing as deeply as I can. I like being truly alone in the mornings, with only the worms and the morning mist to see me.
I’ve been slipping up lately… I’m getting lazy again.
I haven’t worked out in a while, and my eating habits are going downhill. I find myself snacking needlessly, just wanting to eat even though I’m not hungry. I tried to cut soda out, but still drink it.
I need to get serious here. Today I saw my reflection in a window and felt awful, I look so fat!
On the plus side, I decided to actually try harder in my yoga/pilates class. It’s almost entirely pilates, and we end up doing sit ups, pushups, and planks. My goal is pretty much just to be sore the next day, which I’ve been meeting lately. I especially want to work on my arms and legs.
I’ve also been feeling a bit jealous of thinner girls. Of course there are people who work hard to keep the body they have, and I absolutely respect them. But I’m jealous of the girls who were “born thin” and don’t need to put any effort into their eating habits or exercise yet are thinner than I could ever be. I’ve honestly been fat all my life, and I can’t figure out why. I was a normal kid, I ate like a normal kid. My mom cooks healthy meals and we rarely ate fast food.
I don’t understand my body sometimes.
Now I’m going to be posting my fitsperation here, as a way to motivate myself.
At the end of my junior year of high school, I decided I wanted to lose weight. I drove myself to do it, and my mind seemed to switch gears and go into this really awesome mode where I kept encouraging myself and really started doing good things for my body.
I started eating healthy food rather than junk that was bad for me, and it made me more full so I ate less in general. I drank water and tea rather than soda and sugary juice. I used my mom’s elliptical machine every day that I could for at least 30 minutes and then did crunches afterwards. I also had a lot of people who cared about me encouraging me, like my friends at school and my boyfriend at the time. By the beginning of the next year, I had lost about 10 lbs and an inch off of each of my measurements.
Last summer I tried to do the same thing, but ended up getting lazy. It got worse when I moved to college, where I have to pay for my own food and my meals in the dining hall are hard to keep healthy.
I’m sick of being unhappy with myself. I don’t want to see photos of myself and think “oh god do I really look like that?” anymore. I have some costumes coming up where the characters are fairly thin girls, and I can’t pull them off unless I really kick my body into shape. I want to look good in my group!
Today I managed to put my brain back into that healthy, happy mode it was in two years ago. I went to Market of Choice and priced healthy snacks and meals for myself rather than buying cookies and candy, I’m at Starbucks and just bought a green tea rather than some sugary sweet drink that has more calories than my dinner. In a few days I get my money for the month of February, and instead of buying crappy food at 7-11, I plan on stocking my room with delicious, healthy, filling things instead. The hardest thing is buying things I don’t need to prepare, but I think I found some good options.
One problem I’ve been having lately is that my asthma has been acting up. I have no clue why; I’ve been taking all my medicines, but I feel winded doing walks to classes that I used to be able to do no problem. I think I’ll need to talk to my doctor back home over spring break, and possibly adjust my prescriptions. But, for the meantime, I found some specialty teas at the store that are supposed to help open your lungs, which is what my medicine is supposed to do, and I plan on trying it out. I was also excited to find flavored honey, something I’ll add to that tea along with others.
My measurements at the beginning of my junior year of high school were 37-33-43, but have now gone down to 36-32-43. My waist is starting to edge towards 31 inches, something I didn’t even think was possible two years ago. My goal is to get my waist securely down to 31 inches by Sakuracon, if not more, and also to work on building up lean muscle in my arms and legs.
In the future, I’d be incredibly happy to get my waist measurement to 29 inches, something I’ve always dreamed of achieving.
This is a really long post, but I’m just so excited! I’m going to document my meals, even the ones I slip up on, to keep myself on track. I’ll try to take photos and post them here too!
I’ll try to find some pictures of my weight changing over the years, as well.
Now I’m off to do some homework I’ve been avoiding!